Wednesday, January 18, 2006

If I Ever Win the Lottery

If I ever win the lottery... First of all I'd like to say this: If any of you uptight religious fanatics are reading this and freaking out because the youth ministers wife is playing the lottery, I don't actually play the lottery. It's just a dream I have... So anyway, if I ever win the lottery.... I'm going to have someone have my babies. Then I'm going to have someone who will get up in the middle of the night and nurse them while they are infants and then comfort them when they have bad dreams or wet the bed when they are older. All while I sleep soundly. This person will also cook for me, do my laundry, fix meals especially the larger meals that need to be fixed for dinner guests. She will do the grocery shopping and go to great lengths to make sure that I get a healthy diet (even though I will resist it terribly). She will balance the check book and pay the bills. On the occasions that I decide that I need the newest trend and buy it on a whim, she will decide where that money comes from to pay for it. She will secure my future through retirement funds. She will arrange savings plans for my children to go to college. She will take my kids to the doctor, and denist. She will give them medicine when they resist it. She will do all the hard stuff so I can insure that my kids see me as "the fun one" On the rare occasion that I do have to take my children out by myself. She will make sure that they are bathed clothed and that their hair is fixed before I leave. She will pack a bag that has anything that I might need in an emergency. And she will be waiting by her cell phone in case something happens that I can't handle. Yes, I if I ever win the lottery, I will lead the grandest life. But, then, I will be Adam.