Saturday, March 21, 2009

We need your prayers..

I haven't been writing much.. When this happens, I often get an e-mail from someone saying they have gone to my blog and have noticed that I haven't made a post in a while and have questions of whether we are doing okay. You can usually bet that if I haven't been on here, things are going really well. It's not always that something is going wrong that causes me to turn here. I try to also use it as a way to keep our families informed and to keep a record of the girls childhoods. But it is sort of a therapy for me. And, at times when life brings me to my knees and I'm trying to sort through a feeling, I have found that if I write it here, then people have the option to read it if they choose. And usually, instead of me burdening the wrong person with my struggles, it ends up in the right persons hands. And often, someone has chosen to listen, and the words that have been left here in response and the assurance that others have gone to God on my behalf has been the source of encouragement that has brought me back to my feet.

We're in a good place. I will try to explain the insanity that some of you have witnessed in me. Many days, I sit through church and I hear Adam talk of community and I cry because I now know what community really means. It may seem silly but they are tears of gratefulness, that aren't really all that different from the tears I cried when my girls were born. I am experiencing what I have longed for for so long. Church, in the way that God intended.. Not perfect people, but imperfect people that love me even though I am also imperfect. I've longed for it as much as I longed for love before I found it. We have been in ministry for over 10 years, and this is the first time that I've felt like I've been a part of a church instead of just an employee. We have met many wonderful people along the way. People that have molded us and shaped us. People that we will cherish forever. But, we have now met our church family and it is a wonderful thing to feel like we've come home. This may not be something that everyone knows they need. But, it is something that makes all the difference in the world once you have it. The things that laid heavy on my heart a year ago have shown themselves to have, "Worked together for the good of those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose". He has, (as he always does), made good on His promise.

Life has been coming at us fast (as it always does) and I've been there, anxiously waiting to catch every pitch. Until yesterday when life (as it often does) threw me a curve ball. Before I rip into this, I want to say that I am very aware that I overreact when it comes to my children. A couple of years ago, I was giving Emma a bath and I noticed a large knot (okay, maybe it wasn't all that large but it seemed so to me) on her neck. Before I even had a chance to think of the minor things it could be, I had a child with lymphoma pictured in my mind and was asking myself how we could endure the agony that would come upon family in that situation. It turned out that she had some sort of infection and that a swollen lymph node is actually a sign that your body is doing what it's supposed to do to rid itself of infection. But, my children being hurt or sick is my greatest fear, and when they seem threatened, that fear grips me and it takes hold like none other. And it is in those times that I know how small my faith still is.

Two weeks ago, Chloe began to run a fever. She ran it for a couple of days. She had no other symptoms except that she was cutting molars. I gave her Motrin and the fever stayed down for about six hours and then it would spike again. When the fever rose above 103, I was no longer comfortable with letting it "run it's course" and made her an appointment with the PA at her doctor's office. She checked her ears and swabbed her throat for strep. When it was neither of those things, she resolved that it was something viral and told me that if she was still running the fever two days later, to call and make an appointment to have blood work done. We returned home and the fever never went back up. ... until two weeks later. Then, we had the same scenario all over again: High fever, no other symptoms. It started on Tuesday and she had her 18 month check up on Friday. The fever lasted for about 48 hours and on the day of her appointment, she broke out with a rash.. Illness explained, mystery over. Roseola. Except, according to the doctor, there was another mystery: an irregular heart rate. I asked a lot of questions.. Does it sound like a heart murmur?.. His answer, No. That is sounded more like it was fading on the second beat. Now that may not be as bad as it sounds but to a mother (or at least this mother), the words "heart" and "fading" are not two words I ever want to hear in the same sentence when referring to my child. I asked if the irregular heart rate could be because of the sickness, his answer.. "maybe".. I asked it the fever could be because their was something serious wrong with her heart, his answer... "maybe"... And the thing to do he said, was to "come back in a month and see if it was still beating irregularly". I think he must have noticed that I was on the verge of an emotional breakdown because when I commented that a month was too long to wait to see if there was something wrong with my child's heart, he quickly changed it to two weeks. He further explained that we had to give her body time to fight off the infection before we could know for sure.

I called every person that I could think of that works in the medical field. We have many medical people at church and I talked to several of them yesterday. One will be bringing his stethoscope to church tomorrow to listen to her heart. They all assured me that this wasn't all that uncommon and told me signs to look for in case of a bigger problem. She's not turning blue and she is not short of breath. She doesn't seem to be in pain. But my faith wasn't strong enough for me to just put her in God's hands and sleep last night. My mind turns to the "class C" antibiotic I was taking before I knew I was pregnant with her...Then to the nexium I began to take in my second trimester because I had lost 14 pounds and was beginning to lose my voice because of the problem I had with acid reflux (see, I have a great need to explain to you that it was something that was very needed). Last night, I waited until she fell asleep in her bed and I put her in mine and laid my head on her her chest. I knew I had no idea what I was listening for but I could hear her heart beating strong, and I needed to hear that. And with us being avid believers that our children should sleep in their own beds, she slept in ours, with my hand on her chest. At the moment, she is napping in her crib. As I have been writing this, I have broken away several times to check to make sure she's still breathing.

I pray that on April the 3rd, I come back here and relay to you that I am a silly girl that overreacts. I will do so gladly! But as small as this might really be, the next two weeks of waiting are going to be hard for me. And my faith seems shaky. So please, pray for her on our behalf!



Anonymous said...

Dana, you and Chloe will constantly be in my prayers. I too, have overreacting fears when it comes to my children, and I struggle daily to give things over to God. I will pray for Chloe's health, and also for you to have peace over the next two weeks and that your faith, along with the faith of all of us that love you and your family, will bring you through this. Keep us updated!

Hyperactive Lu said...

OH my gosh Dana. I am sitting here dumbfounded. I knew you were gonna take her in on Friday, but never thought a thing about it when you said you were gonna ask for blood work since she's been having so many fevers and stuff. Oh my gosh. Praying fervently for you and your family! You are a precious friend!

Anonymous said...

I miss you greatly and am very happy you finally found "your church family". I wish I could be there to give you a hug. Know that Tim & I will pray for your peace and Chloe's health. Never underestimate the power within yourself, it has been given to you by an awesome God. Stay strong and share the "crazy" with your friends, it helps!

BASSakward Tales said...

consider it done! God takes care of all of His children. i have had that very sick child and i remember when we were told that jamie's cancer may have is not a fun feeling...just know that God has all things planned and it will work out...praying daily for you and the family

Mandy said...

Oh no. I will definitely keep her in my prayers. Sweet baby. Hang in there and let us know if you need any help! We are just (well, somewhat) around the corner.

Unknown said...

Father, bless Chloe with a strong heart and healing. It is so hard for us to let go of our illusion of control and strength and trust our children to You, Lord, but we know that they are cared for more by You than by us. Bless Adam and Dana to care for Chloe the way she needs. May all of this be easily remedied, and may we bless Your Name for that. Whatever Your will is, we praise You and thank you that you care for Chloe so much.

Thank You


Sunny said...

Dana, I can't imagine going through what you have been through. I know that these next few weeks of waiting are going to be really difficult. I was told that Jackson was a down's baby and waiting those few days to get the results that he was fine were some of the most gut wrenching moments for me. I am praying for you and Chloe. I pray that God will bless you with peace during these next 2 weeks.

Keri Najmola said...


I am at a loss for words on what I just read. We had discussed the fever a few days ago, but I did not realize this was so serious! Knowing that I just saw you all today and that just hours later you were posting this brought me to tears. I have just said a prayer for your family and will continue to pray day and night for a clean bill of health on the 3rd. Please let me know if you need anything!

Julie said...

Please tell me if you need anything. I will hop a plane down there for the weekend and do nothing but watch over her when you need to rest and take care of your house when she you are up so you can focus on her. I would have no problem doing that for you. I know what it's like to worry about your baby especially when there isn't much you can do. I remember not wanting to close my eyes for even a moment (do you remember when I brought Jaden home? I thought I was going to go crazy - if I didn't show it on the outside BELIEVE me I felt it on the inside -I didn't want anything to happen and I was so afraid if I closed my eyes or left him alone something would). You are a good Mom. I'm sure that you didn't do anything to cause any problems. I love you.

Anonymous said...

Dana, please know that Chloe and your family will be in our thoughts and prayers. God is faithful and he will get you through this difficult time. I'm sure you will be receiving the news that she is fine very soon. It is so difficult to wait. I can't believe they were going to make you wait a month! I'm so thankful that you have found a church family where you can feel secure and loved. You certainly deserve that! We love you guys! Did you know I quit OVU? Wonders never cease! Love you! Missy

Anonymous said...

Noticed the request for prayers about Chloe and came to the blog to find out why. I can and will take you and your family to the Lord in prayer. I can understand this-mothers have an innate desire to watch over and protect their children-from everything and no matter how old. Brandon was sick with a virus for two weeks and I worried it was something worse-this is my normal-he said I was overreacting I call it being cautious and aware. Will look back soon to see what you found out. Because of Him, Carissa

Stephanie said...

We will definately be praying for Chloe and you and the rest of your family. I started crying when you were telling how you moved her to your bed and put your ear to her chest and just kept your hand on her heart the whole night. I would've done the same thing. It's amazing how having a family almost makes you worry and doubt more than when it was just yourself to worry about. Don't ever think you are over reacting. I went to 4 local doctors and finally a specialist in Pensecola to get some one who would believe me and diagnose me with an autoimmune disease. Not knowing is the worse, once you know what you are dealing with you make it your life's mission to beat it! I love you, and hope to hear good news soon.

Anonymous said...

One of my favorite scriptures: Philippians 4:4-7. Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

I love you guys. We will be praying for you all. We will pray specifically that Chloe is fine and well and that you feel the peace that only God can give.
Love and miss you,

Lynn Ellis said...

I haven't talked to you yet about this, but I talked to Adam. Keith and I are praying for you all as always and now very specifically for Chloe. You are a wonderful mom and a wonderful daughter-in-law. I thank God every day that you are Adam's wife and Emma and Chloe's mom. Speaking as a silly old woman that overreacts, I understand how you feel. I'm waiting rather anxiously to hear from you on April 3rd. As I pray for Chloe's heart to be fine, I'm thankful for yours. Love ya, Lynn

Becky said...

dana, i always jump to the worst conclusion also...and that is with being a nurse. luke had a knot behind his knee come up. i immediately just knew it was a seriously swollen lymph node (with him having no other symptoms...) only it wasn't. it was a baker's cyst (collection of synovial fluid).
i will be praying for your little lady. i know our God can heal her. hopefully it is just something minor and is completely resolved when you get there.

Lindsay Norsworthy said...

I know that we don't know each other, but I wanted you to know that I will pray for your daughter. I can't even imagine how you must feel. I worry about everything; my daughter had a cold and I couldn't sleep b/c I was worried she would stop breathing. I struggle with this and constantly beg God to allow me to trust Him when in it comes to my baby. Being a mommy makes you so vulnerable! It has a made me a better christian because it has shown my that my faith is weak sometimes.
I will pray that all is well with your baby and that you have a peace that only God can give as you wait to find out.
Blessings, Lindsay

Anonymous said...

I love you guys! I hope that everything works out for the better, I know that this has got to be hard!

I am definitely praying for you and little Chloe, keep me posted.


Ashley @ pure and lovely said...

Dana-I can't imagine what you are going through worrying about all this. I will definitely be praying for you. Don't blame yourself and any medicines you took while pregs though. (easier said than done, I did the same thing with Aiden's hydrocephalus/Chairi.) I know its terrifying. Praying hard.

Anonymous said...

You wouldn't be who you are if your gloves weren't on - some of us really discover those gloves when we have children-because if ever we wanted to control the world, it's then. All of you are in my prayers.
I'm so glad you've found your "home".
But I do miss you here.