I have typed the first sentence to this post at least ten times and deleted it.. I haven't been able to sit down and write this week because I can't organize the thoughts in my head.. So many conversations this week about God and spirituality.. There are so many "untouchables" that I feel need to be "touched" but I can't figure out how to begin.. It would be really easy to sit in my own little world with my loving husband and my healthy children when my life isn't being challenged and feel like I've got God figured out, if I could only keep my family and my friends from being touched by pain, I could keep up that charade.. It's easy to do when everything is bright and sunny and we appear as God's "chosen ones".. But then, there is the friend who's child is sick and the medical bills are piling up, and the friend that lost his job, the friend that wants a baby, the friend that is in constant pain with no identifiable reason, the friend that is staying in an adulterous relationship for the sake of her children, the friend that just could not, and oh God forbid I say it, the friend that is gay and didn't ask to be (btw, I don't think anyone does). All of these people are real in my life and all of these people are some of the best people I know and all of these people, I have had real conversations with recently and as my world view changes and I begin to realize that God lies in other places than just a conservative little church in the Bible belt, it's difficult to hold onto some of the beliefs that I've had in the past when these real people exist and I love them.. TREMENDOUSLY...
The point of this post is not to convince you whether someone is born homosexual, or they ate something that made them homosexual or if their mother dressed them in the wrong clothes when they were a child; whatever your conception of homosexuality might be.. We can have those conversations all day long.. It's a great distraction from what we should really be discussing.. It's a huge mis-judgement on my part.. but, I have almost started thinking of the word "homosexual" and "atheist" as interchangeable. Don't get me wrong.. I know there are athiests that aren't homosexual and that there are homosexual's that believe in God.. But I do believe that we are often displaying a version of God that is simply unbelievable to those that don't fit into our little idea of what the package of Christianity should look like and leaving those people that don't fit into our packaged ideal no other path to take. By the way... Do you know how easily you and I could fall outside those ideals? Oh yeah, you're right... Your child could never be gay, you're too holy...
I like to write little sweet posts that make you want to go hug your children.. But, I'm afraid that this one can't be wrapped up and tied with a pretty little bow.. I would love to have lots of healthy conversation on this subject. But here is the thing... This is my blog... I have access to this little feature called comment moderation... I think we've done enough damage to Christianity with trying to do God's job of judging the world.. And I can assure you that a comment that would hurt these people in my life that I love so much will not be posted here.. With that said:
Open for discussion...
Still left to be discussed and even harder to tie with a pretty little bow. From a dear friend, a question I'm still mulling over, "we been told that God is not vengeful. What have you seen to support this?".. Wow!
Blessings,
Dana
