I have gotten the privilege to write for a local parenting magazine in town on behalf of my mom's club. The articles for the December issue were due today. The theme is holiday. I can't believe it's that close!! Anyway, I was hoping that I could write something that would be insightful and would enrich everyone's life that read it. Well, I guess I just didn't have it in me right now to come up with something serious so this is what they got.
I’m writing to let you know that I have been a very good mom this year. I have survived a pregnancy with no morning sickness (it was all day long sickness). I navigated two stomach viruses, many colds, and some kind of rash. I have become very skillful at detecting cups of milk left under my daughter’s bed, fishing keys out of the toilet, getting bubble gum out of hair, and hiding happy meal toys under the trash in the garbage can. I have learned how to put a band-aid on the boo-boo of my preschooler while I change my newborn’s diaper and how to make boats out of apples so that I can get my child to eat a nutritious snack. All of that...and today, I’ve even showered.
In return for my good mom behavior, I would like to order a self-cleaning bathroom. I could send you the design if it would help the elves. This bathroom would be completely covered in tile and would have a drain right in the middle. Instead of only the toilet flushing (which never happens at my house) the whole room would flush. It is imperative that the drain be made at very specific measurements of 4x6 inches. This would ensure easy disposal of the hundreds of tiny toys that have invaded my bathroom and the globs of toilet paper that has resulted from the developmental milestone I celebrated when my toddler learned how to unroll a brand new roll in one fluid motion. Also, these dimensions would guarantee that I won’t accidentally “throw the baby out with the bath water.”
I realize that even Santa has a budget and will have an even tighter one once you receive my kids’ Christmas wish list but...hey, a mom can dream right? If this is too large of an order, I would settle for good health and blessings for me and my fellow hardworking moms who have also merited a self-cleaning bathroom.
Parkersburg Mom’s Club