Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Thoughts From The Slammer

I've lost my mojo... I keep waiting for inspiration to strike so I can write.   But, I've had nothing for months..  I can't even seem to formulate a comment to something someone else has written that I feel strongly about... I think I'm in "fix it" mode, trying to get back the organization that I lost during the holiday season.   And, 2010 was an emotionally trying year and I think I need a break from reflecting... Things have been so heavy.  And the thing I'm needing more than anything is a night like so many I had when I was a teenager.  When my best friend, Kristen, and I would giggle all night long until the point my parents yelled at us because we were keeping them awake.. Oh for just one night to be the one giggling again...

Anyway, since I have absolutely nothing deep or moving to share because I can't stand another ounce of seriousness right now, I'll share what I wasted my time amusing myself with yesterday.

My sister sent me one of those survey e-mails..  You know, "2011 Edition of Getting to Know Your Friends and Family".. Well, since I filled out at least 2011 of those surveys during our time in youth ministry trying to make sure I didn't hurt a single teenager's feelings, I usually skip these things from adults thinking that they can take the rejection... But, my sister put a little personal pressure in there saying I was the "most likely to respond"and there was the part in the directions that said to be honest and not be lame and mess up the fun... Am I the only one that sees the irony in that statement?  Anyway, I didn't want to crush my sister's high opinion of my dependability so, here is my response..

Welcome to the new 2011 edition of getting to know your family and friends.. Here is what you are supposed to do, and try not to be lame and spoil the fun--this means YOU! 
Change all the answers so that they apply to you. Then send this to a bunch of people you know, INCLUDING the person who sent it to you. 
Some of you may get this several times; that means you have lots of friends. The easiest way to do it is to hit 'forward' so you can delete and change the answers. Have fun and be truthful! 
What color are your socks right now? 
orange, that's all they let us have here

What are you listening to right now?
The lady in the cell next to me singing "Stormy Weather"

What was the last thing you ate? Not sure... Mystery meat?

Can you drive a stick shift? 
unfortunately yes.  That's what got me in this place.  Grand Theft Auto.. and all over a candy apple red Dodge Dart.  

Last person you spoke to on the phone? 
"It's me again Margaret". 

Do you like the person who sent this to you? 
Everyone has some sick affection for their mentors don't they? 

How old are you today? 
Old enough to know better but still to young to care

What is your favorite sport to watch on TV? 
Demolition Derby

What is your favorite drink? 

Have you ever dyed your hair?
 only when I needed a disguise after the bank robbery 

Favorite food? Anything that isn't roadkill 

What is the last movie you watched? 
"The Longest Yard"

Favorite day of the week? Sunday, that's when my baby daddy visits

How do you vent? scrub toilets--- with a toothbrush
What was your favorite toy as a child? 
 a tatoo gun
What is your favorite season? 

Cherries or Blueberries? yep

Do you want your friends to e-mail you back? 
Down to my last friend.  I knocked the others off.   

Who is the most likely to respond? my probation officer

Living situation just me, Thelma and Louise

When was the last time you cried? 
when "I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die"

What is on the floor of your closet right now? 
a chalk outline

Who is the friend you have had the longest that you are sending this to? 
you, "friend"

What did you do last night? Lets just say I don't think I'll be allowed back in that Walmart 

What are you most afraid of? small tight spaces and a woman named Butch

Plain, cheese, or spicy hamburgers?

Favorite dog breed?

Sweet or Salty? yep

How many states have you lived in? let's see-- state of paranoia, state of distress, state of annoyance, state of denial, state of confusion.... Hey, tonight is the state of the union!  
Diamonds or pearls? 

 What is your favorite flower?  self-rising