Monday, March 08, 2010

5 Unconventional Steps to a Healthy Marriage...

Have you ever met that couple that you just can't figure out why they're together?  You know what I mean, the ones that  get the, "I wonder what she has behind closed doors that we can't see" comments... Oh come on, you know you've thought it.  Maybe you've thought it about me.  I do often wonder if I'm that person.  I mean, he's smart, funny, good looking and the best daddy that I could dream of my little girls having.  He likes to cook.  He sometimes cleans (usually with the motivation of some nagging from me)  He takes out the garbage if I fuss enough..  Anyway, I've done what I do and I've over analyzed the situation.. I've asked myself what keeps him coming back for more. 

I'm  hesitant to give marriage advice because obviously, a Buisiness degree does not make me qualified.  However, I'm not always so easy to live with.  And my husband sticks around.. And honestly, he rarely complains.. I mean yeah, he's a great guy.  But, you put even a great guy in a horrible situation long enough and he'll complain.  So, I'm wondering if maybe I am qualified to give a little advice in this area..  Besides, it's always fun to see if these sort of things are going to make some waves.  So I told my husband what I was thinking and he said I should write a book.. Unfortunately, in this case, men are way less complicated than we are and there is nowhere near enough information to write a book.  But regardless, it did make me wonder if I didn't have something worth while to contribute on this topic.

And I have a little secret to tell you.. All those books that we were forced to read about being a good wife..... You know, the ones that told you to decorate your home with feminine touches like gingham curtains and flowers.   The ones that told you to pull out the fine china to show him how much you appreciate him.  Yeah, those books were written by some uptight lady, forty years ago, who's husband was really frustrated.  She's probably single now.. She may be widowed.. The poor guy died of boredom.. Point being: The book was written by a woman about what she thought made her a good wife,  not what her husband thought made her a good wife.. So let me narrow this down.. There are five things that I've observed that keeps them coming home at night.. And my husband gives it his endorsement..  I mean, there is always the chance that we're just weird and this only applies to us but hey, just in case.. Take it for what it is...

1.  Laugh at his jokes.. This one doesn't need a ton of explanation.. You get it.. Let him know you think he's funny. 

2.  Let him pass gas.. And laugh and say it was a good one.   I have no idea why, but somehow, this makes you the coolest wife eva. 


3.  Call him Superman-- Okay, maybe not that directly but he wants to feel like he's your hero.  And when I do call Adam that (jokingly) from time to time, I think he secretly likes it.

4.  Play video games-- Maybe for your guy it's not video games but every guy has some toy.  If you can't participate, be his biggest cheerleader.  This is not your competition, this is your key to his heart. 

And last but not least and please hear me out before you write me off..

5.  Put out---Oh yes, the preacher's wife just told you to put out..And not with the attitude you have about doing the dishes.  It can actually be fun you know.   The dishes, not so much.    Did you notice the title?  Healthy Marriage?  I've got some wonderful news for you..  God says it's okay.. He even encourages it.. And I think it's time that Christians start talking about it.  This is important stuff.  

Now I know you're tired. you've recently given birth and you've had a breastfeeding baby hanging on you all day. You used the potty (can't remember what the real word is) with your two year old tied around your ankles and with your six year old giving you, "a hairdo that daddy will love".    You can't stand the thought of another person needing something from you.  But let's think about this and do the math.. It's really just a much better investment.  Because the fact is, sex covers a multitude of sins..

You can focus on these few things and not worry so much about all that stuff that has been stressing you out.   The truth is, if your husband wakes up in the morning feeling like a Superman with a great sense of humor that you can't keep your hands off, he doesn't care if he has to dig a wrinkled shirt out of the clothes basket to wear to work.  He'll probably even have fun making the suggestion to his friends of why it's wrinkled.  He doesn't care if he eats a pop tart for breakfast.  And he might just feel good enough to do those dishes.  He may even cook dinner so you can rest up for the night ahead.. So skip the dishes and take a nap when the baby does.  Your marriage will thank you..

Blessings,

Dana

20 comments:

Hyperactive Lu said...

Best post ever!

Cindy said...

After 35 years of marriage, I would say that pretty much sums it up.

Jay said...

I laugehd so hard. This, Dana Ellis, is why you're loved so much. This is so True.

....and I can't help but wonder if combining #3 and #5 would make it EVEN better. :)

As for the video games... I don't know if I can do that one (mainly b/c I just don't understand football games...) BUT, if standing at various finish lines all across the southern parts of the USA counts, then I'm in.

Mandy said...

Brad said, "This was DANA?!? This deserves some sort of literary prize. She is dead on target. Absolutely dead on target. That's how simple we are. Keep this chick as your friend." LOL

Jessica said...

Love it, love it, love it! So very true! :)

Holly said...

That's awesome. Good job!

Brooke Bailey said...

thanks for the advice Dana! You crack me up.

Kelly B said...

I respectfully add "Change out of your sweats, put on some lipstick, and smile." I don';t know why women who constantly say/post 'I haven't showered in a week' or I haven't brushed my teeth in 2 days' are surprised when their husbands cheat. Not an excuse for unfaithfulness, but definitely a signal that the wife isn't taking *her* role to heart, either!

Amy M. Fry said...

Dana,
Haven't been to your blog before, but I certainly will from now on!
Fabulous advice given so very charmingly. Thanks!
Amy

glassmom said...

This was great and dead on for my house, too. My only addition would be to tell him "Thank you" a whole lot. That keeps the dishes clean and trash taken out in my house.

Bad Alice said...

"Sex covers a multitude of sins." Indeed it does. It definitely does more than gingham curtains and good china and I'm much more positive about this sort of investment than doing the dishes.

The Parks said...

I followed the link over from Lauren's status. Hilarious! Thanks for the tips and reminders :).
amy

Kelly J said...

I love it! As a "newlywed" I totally hope that I'm as cool a wife as you when we have kids!

Anonymous said...

Hmm that's interessting but honestly i have a hard time seeing it... wonder what others have to say..

Whitney said...

So here's the question...how do you get in the mood for #5 if he's constantly doing #2?

Dana said...

LOL at Whitney :). Okay, there are these little green pills..

Sara-Beth said...

Love it! So very true... I do like the addition of saying thank you though.

You hit on the spot so often. Greatness.

Alissa Stacy said...

I think that your blog really described it! Atleast I know in my marriage this is exactly the things that seems to make Corey happy and stick around! Thanks for posting this, I think it was a great reminder. As a wife and mother you can really forget the wife part because the mother duties take so much out of you! Great blog post :)

Stephanie said...

I love you Dana, this is what I was talking about. Thank you for blogging. Just another chapter in your book one day.

I'm in the process of writing a post called "chore-play" instead of foreplay I heard the Today Show and your post goes great with it. I just have to say that wives really need to understand the importance of sex in a marriage.

April Cluck said...

Rick and I were just talking about this very thing!!! I think you are absolutely right about everything you said and we are living proof because even though there seems to be negativity and drama all around us these days...our relationship with eachother is fun, happy, and stronger than ever!!!
Thanks for the encouragement!!