Tuesday, August 11, 2009

TEACHING KIDS A HEALTHY PERSPECTIVE ABOUT SEX

Guest post for Jesus Needs New PR..


 Thanks, to my mom and dad for the inspiration for the following article. Sorry I exploited your sex life for my fifteen minutes of fame ;).

TEACHING KIDS A HEALTHY PERSPECTIVE ABOUT SEX
by Dana Ellis

After a long day of playing outside with my then, three-year-old, and fervently re-applying sunscreen to her delicate skin, I was sporting a nice little sunburn of my own. As I was standing their in all of my naked glory, while my husband applied one of God’s miracles, aloe vera gel, Emma pranced into the room. With worry in her eyes, she exclaimed, “Don’t let daddy see your bottom”!! Since she was getting older, we had began to try to break her, much loved, streaking habit by trying to teach her the importance of modesty. No wonder, she was confused about my lack of modesty in front of someone not on the list of acceptable people to see your bottom: IE: doctor, daddy, etc..

My husband and I looked at each other with a look that said, “Wow, what do we do with this one” while at the same time, trying to hold in a little snicker at the thought of “being caught.” In the hastiness of trying to make a decision on having to deal with the issue at hand, I looked down at her and laughingly said, “It’s okay for dad to see my bottom. He’s my husband. One day, you’ll be married and your husband will like seeing your bottom too”. Because of the look of surprise from my husband, maybe even shock, I could no longer hold my laughter. And though both my daughter and my husband stood there looking at me like my hair was on fire instead of my skin, I felt sure that I had said the right thing.

After ten years in ministry, I have seen many, many Christian women that struggle in their sexual relationships with their husbands. At first, this phenomenon took me by surprise. A lot of the women that I have spoken to about this issue followed all the rules, saving themselves for their husbands. Therefore, I was shocked that with them having “followed all the rules”, they didn’t have the most amazing sex life possible.

But, after having some time to analyze this situation, I came to believe that after years and years being told , “sex is bad, sex is bad”, many women, maybe men too, are unable to make the jump to, “oh, you’re getting married? Sex is GOOD”..

Though I can’t express the number of times I rolled my eyes in disgust at my parents as a teenager, I am so thankful for the display of affection that they displayed on a regular basis. Though it was not inappropriate in any way, I was very aware that they were intimate and it wasn’t just my dad that enjoyed it but my mom as well. I have thanked God many times since I’ve been married for the healthy view of sex that He gave me through witnessing my parent’s relationship.

I don’t believe that “sexual purity” is a bad thing to want for our children. But, I do believe that this goal alone is anemic. I pray that my husband and I, like my parents did me, teach our girls that sex is a wonderful, gift that God gives to married people. Teaching them will, no doubt, include the fact that sexual impurity cheapens that gift, leaving it less than the blessing that God designed. But our prayer for our girls, is not only, that they remain “sexually pure” but, that my husband and I will display marriage in the way that God intended it to be. And, that they will in turn, live a lifestyle that will help them to fully embrace the blessings that God desires so badly to give them.

Dana Ellis
"Thoughts on Life and Dirty Diapers"

6 comments:

Michael and Hannah said...

I appreciate your thoughts. It meant so much to me that days before my wedding, our minister's wife and other older Christian women that had acted as mentors to me circled around me and prayed specifically that sex would be special and wonderful for Michael and me. It truly made me appreciate what a gift sex is from God and made me so glad that I had waited! We should be encouraging young single women that sex will be wonderful, when experienced in the context God designed!

BASSakward Tales said...

i love reading your blog...you are so insightful...your girls are blessed to have you and adam as their parents as well as all the other people that the two of you minister to...as far as the sex thing...i think what you did was a very good start to explaining this complex thing to your children...we did something very similar and then when our oldest daughter was visited by mother nature for the first time...her question was, "is all this necessary?" which opened up the door for the other talk..i have always been scientific and straight forward with both of my children about anything that they ask...i feel like that because of that honesty that they feel more comfortable coming to me about other difficult questions or just questions in general...

Holly said...

Dana, once again this is very well written. I agree with you totally on each point. Good job!

Jay said...

Great post, I think that you are right completely on this one. Emma and Chloe will appreciate your dedication to them, one day.

Anonymous said...

I feel sure that I'm one of those Christians that you're referring too. Thank you for writing this. And being so open about these things. I hope that through the guidance of Christian women like you, I will keep from passing on those kind of quirks to my children.

JP

April Cluck said...

I read the article last night and I thought you did a great job on it. I grew up in much the same environment (big surprise:-)). It was very apparent that my parets were and still are "actively intimate" and because of this, Rick and I are appropriately affectionate in front of our children. But even with my parents being open about sex, I still had several inhibitions after marriage. I think the most important thing you wrote about was how having sexual partners outside of marriage cheapens God's gift of sex to us. I have several phobias that I have had to work through do to Rick's previous partner/s and I'm sure he feels the same way, not that either of us would have been considered permiscuous, but even one makes you question yourself. I don't think that expecting our children to wait until marriage is a realistic goal because of society and what they are learning outside of our homes, but I do think that it is a goal to pray about, strive for, and to encourage our children to attain. I will definately be using your line that sex is a gift to a husband and wife from God.
Thanks for your insite Dana and thanks for your comment on my blog, it made me breath a little easier.
LOVE YOU!