Though it's been repressed, there is a part of me that still believes I can make a difference.
I'm still thinking about the Donald Miller clip that I posted a couple of weeks ago. If you didn't see it, You should. It's effected every action I make with my children.
I began to think about how Miller's thoughts applied to me and I recalled a time when I was a teenager. I was sixteen years old and was working as a waitress in a little small town diner (side note: waitresses have possibly the worst job in the world. Tip them well. You have no idea the kind of crap they've put up with that day. And no, dirty old man, I will not "stick my finger in your coffee and make it sweeter") Anyway, when I was working at this little diner, a man came in on a particularly slow day, allowing for more conversation than was usual. After talking to the man for a few minutes, I learned that he had contracted AIDS through a blood transfusion and that he was working heavily on a campaign to raise money for a cure. It wasn't long before the impulsive passions that control teenage actions was evoked in me and I was working on a plan of my own to join him in his endeavors. I just knew that I could make a difference. I knew that I could take my little envelope to church and to my teachers and guidance counselors and that the world would be changed, starting in a small town of Springville Alabama.
I wish more than anything that I could tell you that I am one of those dynamic personalities that can sell ice to eskimoes. That I was a vibrant motivator that could just naturally pull out the goodness that, in my heart I know, lies within each and every individual and help them forget their inhibitions and the times that they were told that they couldn't make a difference, make them forget the moments in their own lives that made them cynical.. I wish I could tell you that that was the turning point in my life that made me realize that God put me here for something much bigger than myself. But in reality, it was a different defining point all together. As you might have already imagined, my efforts were not greeted enthusiastically. And, for a cause as taboo as AIDS was at that time, not only were these efforts not well supported, they were mocked with questions like, "well how did he get AIDS"? I remember knowing I was being seen as naive as I argued in defense of this man that I didn't even know, but was so actively playing a role in the shaping of my heart. And I know now that the question of whether or not this man had done something to deserve to contract AIDS was not a good one.. Was actually a horrible one. Quite contradictory to any question that Jesus would have asked.
My mom drove me to meet up with the man and I ashamedly handed him my envelope with a measly $50 in it (tip money and money given by my mom). And I began to buy into a lie that the best thing for me to do was to look out for myself because that is what human nature does, becomes a rat race to get to the top.. A dog eat dog world. One where everyone believes that the hand you're dealt is the one you deserve.. Until it's one's own hand that is and that, is where the story almost always changes.
By the time I graduated high school, I had diluted Christianity to a set of rules. A check list of rules that made me cringe at the thought.. A set of rules lived by people that I didn't much care for. A set of rules lived by people that looked miserable and looked bent on keeping everyone that they came into contact with miserable as well. A set of rules I could never check off of my list. And being convinced that I could never be good enough to be accepted by that God, I determined that I might as well make it good because I was going pay for it when I died. And maybe, if I was lucky, I could say that magical prayer on my way down that asked God for forgiveness for all my sins and then God would have take me. Thus, saving me from that burning fire that I had been so commonly threatened with.
I haven't said all of this to tell you how horrible the adults in my life were. I have wonderful parents that love me and support me. I had wonderful teachers that constantly demanded better from me. I had wonderful friends come into my life that I now know were praying for me continuously. I have in-laws that prayed for me even before I was born. And somewhere something stuck because God continued to knock and since knocking wasn't enough, he rang the door bell by having me fall in love with a youth minister. And if him being a youth minister wasn't ironic enough, he was/is a man that loves me more than I ever knew possible. So much more than I ever deserved. And slowly but surely, I've let those childish dreams back in.. And I do believe that God has chosen me.. He's chosen me as my husband so often says, "to partner with Him in his dream for the world". He's chosen me for an abundant life.. Not just later on but for now.. And I truly believe that if I follow Him, not in proving my point or that I'm more "spiritual" than others but by actually dreaming something better for this world and refusing to accept anything else. If I forgive others of their sins as Jesus does me.. If I love in a way that others don't understand. If I stand for the least and defend the defenseless. If I feed the poor. If I truly walk the direction that Jesus walked, then I'll experience what it was that God wanted for us when He put this whole thing in to play. It won't be money or fame or power.. But more likely a security of not needing money or fame or power. It will look so different than the way we've always pictured Joy to look. And that is why it will be more wonderful than anything we could possibly imagine.
Do you know that passion that is so difficult to deal with in children? Yeah, that passion.. The thing that leaves them crumbled in the floor in a fit? The thing that causes them to run and throw their arms around us and sob when we're leaving? The thing that makes them burst out in song as they're playing in the bathtub? The passion that we spend most of our adulthood wishing we could get back? Well it's there in our children.. It's there in the lemonade stand. It's there in the tower of blocks. It's there in the bouquet of weeds that they pick. It's there when they want to stop to pick up the trash that someone else threw down. It's there in the dollar store beads they give us for Mother's Day..
Lord please forgive me for the times when I've made small of their passions. And as they get older and become more passionate, please help me to help them keep that passion and to have it too.. And please teach me to guide them to use it in the way you want them to..I'm so gratefully yours.
Since it's nearing Christmas, I am receiving a lot of opportunities to review products. I've had some questions as to whether or not I would save the products for Christmas gifts for my girls. While it would be very nice to get my girls Christmas presents in this way, the whole point of the reviews is that companies can hopefully sell these products for Christmas.. So, we've gotten busy trying these things out..
Zondervan Publishing is one of my favorite companies that I've worked with. Adam has been doing reviews for them for a while. He slipped his contact my blog address and I got an e-mail from her saying, "just go to our site and let me know what books you're interested in and when you read them, let me know if you'd like to do a giveaway". Um, AWESOME? I still find myself asking, what's the catch? Am I going to get a charge on my credit card if I don't return it within the 60 day trial period? But, no charge. It still blows my mind that companies give me things just for me to give them my opinions on them. It's like a marketers dream. Anyway, This allows me to pick out, up front, books that had topics that I was interested in and could be pretty sure I could give an enthusiastic review. So I picked out three books and got them just a couple of days later.
"Along Came You, did not disappoint". This truly may have become my favorite children's book of all time.. Except, I'm pretty sure that it's benefits are more for me than my children. It is definitely my favorite parenting book of all time. I don't know about you, but in a world where success is often measured by dollars, I sometimes need reminded of the value of the job I'm doing. While I do think that this book serves the purpose of helping children see the sacrifices a parent makes, more importantly, it was reminder to me of the priceless benefits that come from doing such a sacred job that pays in love. The book's only downfall is that I can't seem to read it with out becoming a big emotional mess.
It's beautifully illustrated pages along with the author's fresh perspective of being a mother left me with a reminder of the amazing joy that being a parent provides and a heart much bigger than, before children, I ever felt capable of having. In "Along Came You", The writing clearly illustrates that often, simple phrases carry such great meaning: "Before you, my home was decorated in style. After you, my home is decorated in love. Before you, the biggest thrill at the amusement park was riding the roller coaster. After you, the biggest thrill is seeing your face when you are finally tall enough to ride. Before you, I slept all night long. After you, I wake to watch you sleeping.
But, you really can't get the full impact that book presents without seeing the words along with the illustrations. So click below to see a sample.
Now, for your chance to win a copy of your own. To enter, simply comment, leaving a way to contact you in the case that you win. For an additional entry, blog about the giveaway or post it on facebook and come back and leave a link to your post. The giveaway will end on Wed. Nov. 18th. The winner will be chosen at random using www.random.org.
My computer cord had one too many pulls from my kids and now it won't come on. I will be limited for a few days to computer use in the mornings and evenings which really isn't that bad of an idea anyway.
We had a great Halloween. Chloe refused to wear her costume but you'll see from the photos that we came up with a pretty creative idea of how to deal with that and we now have a great picture to put in her senior ad when she graduates high school.
Emma had a different idea of a character that she wanted to be every day for about a month but she finally landed on Pippi Longstocking.
Since Adam needs to get off to work, I thought I'd quickly throw up a link to our October photos in my smugmug account. I think I need to start watermarking my photos anyway, considering there is a painting of my children being sold on ebay. You can see that here: http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&Item=300362744554&Category=60437 weird...
Edit: The auction has been ended on ebay. You can still see the painting if you click on the link and scroll to the bottom. For those of you that wanted to know how I knew about it, Adam's mom had posted the picture on her facebook page. The lady messaged Lynn with the link to the auction and told her not to feel obligated to buy it but of course, Lynn did so she made bid on it. When I told Lynn that I thought it was unethical if not illegal, she messaged the girl and asked her to remove it and she was very kind and removed it, no questions asked. I don't think I would have minded so much if she had done a private auction but I didn't like it so much that Lynn was trying to buy a painting of my girls to keep someone else from buying it. But the lady is an artist and she's saw an opportunity and acted before she thought about it. People are hurting right now and sometimes, desperate times push people to desperate measures. All is well, no one was hurt.
Until we meet again, enjoy the pictures. Perhaps I'll get some extra things done around the house.
Proverbs 22:6 Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.
A common scripture that Christian parents of small children cling to. I write this post as I'm listening to the cries of my two year old in her bedroom. She made it until just over two years before we converted the crib to a toddler bed. But with her new realization that she can now escape her imprisonment, my security (IE climb out of the crib), we opted for a conversion that would allow us to keep her in her room where she can put herself back in bed when she finally surrenders to the nap that she so desperately needs. Is this the right thing to do? I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA. But for now, it's the best I've got. And so I cling to the thought that if I teach her to be the person that God wants her to be, then when she is old, she will have what she needs to be that person.
A wonderful assurance! If I don't think of the people I know that this scripture doesn't seem true for.. Because I know of several wonderful parents that are great people that have been devastated by watching their children walk away. So, I make up excuses so that I don't feel helpless with my own children.. Things like, "well it says OLD.. They aren't OLD yet".. And I turn it over and over in my mind with a constant fear that my children will some how grow up to walk away from their faith because of some choice that I've made. And the truth is, I have absolutely no idea how this job that I'm doing, being a mom, the most important job of my life, will come out for at least twenty years, maybe longer. So I'm left to observe the people that I know and rely on my own experiences and the one thing I can truly control, my ability to throw myself at the feet of a God that can give me the wisdom to do something I can not do on my own.
And I feel like in bits and pieces I get that direction. The other night, Adam and I were having a not so uncommon conversation about how to make life turn out the way it should for our girls. And here was my clueless response, "I don't know, but I know one thing, as big of helicopter parents that we are, we have to let them go on mission trips. Because out of all the kids that we know that have a faith that is real and is strong there is one thing that they all have in common, they were involved in mission work". I know that this realization is anemic. Obviously, this is not an A+B=C equation. Sending a child on a mission trip alone is not going to automatically equate to a life long faithfulness that can't be rocked. And obviously, there are faithful Christians that have never been out of our country. But still, at least in my experience the correlation is there. And so I being the person that I am analyze and analyze and analyze some more..
And last night, I feel like I got another small piece of this enlightening little puzzle when Adam showed this clip at church:
I'm still trying to sort my thoughts on this out.. Could it be that we have diluted the story of Jesus to much less of a story than God intended it to be? Could it be that maybe I'm telling my children but not training them? God please show me the way to not just say what they need to hear but be what they need to be.
I am now hearing only the blissful sound of my fingers clicking on the keyboard. And the picture inside the bedroom of that precious little ball of fire God has entrusted to me?
Lord if I warped her for life by giving her no other option but to turn to Mickey for comfort, please give me grace.
I've had a lot of questions about whether or not I raised my money and what shirt I wore for the breast cancer walk.. Well, I sort of raised the money. On Thursday before the walk, I had about half of the money raised so I hadn't ordered the shirt. I decided that I didn't want to suffer the shame of not meeting my goal, so on Thursday, I searched down for a Ta Ta's shirt.. I found them at a local graphics store for 5 dollars a piece.. Except, the writing was on the back. But, with a little of Pam's creativity, we made a view adjustments, I wrote a check for the remainder of the amount and Pam and I followed through with our commitment. I've still had a few donations trickle end and I just decided that what ever I ended up giving was what God wanted my contribution to be.
We had a ball at the walk. And I'm sad to announce that I have no juicy comments to present about the shirts. We got absolutely nothing but compliments and interest in where we got them. It's so amazing how small trivial things seem when everyone has a common goal for the better good.
Thank you all for your donations. I know that times are hard for a lot right now. For those of you that supported me in this, it means so much.
We're already making plans to do it next year. With a pink glittery sign and pink feathered boas for our group. Why don't you go ahead and make plans to join us..
Couponing: Last week, I bought all of my families grocery needs for $45. I feel certain that if I put in the time and effort, I could have probably done it for $20. The question becomes: How much is saving that extra $25 worth to me? I have been couponing for about a year and a half now. This has freed us up to do other things with our money. We will soon pay off our van, making us debt free again (having equity, I consider our home an asset, not a debt. I'm also scared to say this because every time we get both vehicles paid for, another breaks) Anyway, my efforts have definitely been worth while.
But, even saving money vs. spending is your goal, it is still a delicate balance to find a place where you are ruling your spending instead of your spending ruling you. Today I'm up at 5:00 a.m. to get this done. But on some Sundays, I've started allowing myself to sleep in when I need it. I really like what the Southern Saver says HERE on Couponing Burnout. It was worth the read for me.
May you find the money saving balance that is right for you!
Drugstores Great Week at the Drugstores for Stocking up on over the counter medicines CVS Rite Aid I haven't done Rite Aid in a long time because I'm not a huge fan of their rebate system where I have to put the money out up front. However, my friend Amy and Lauren got such great deals there last week that they have convinced me to try it again. Thanks Amy and Lauren! Walgreens
I don't think anyone was using the out of area posts. If I'm missing something that you were previously using, let me know. I certainly don't mind putting them up.
